


The Fear We Foster

by FantabulousAss



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Foster Kid AU, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Like, M/M, Not Good, Probably some OOCness, Size Difference, Size Kink, Slow Burn, holy shit this is such a slow burn, mako's mom hurts herself and her son, the slowest burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-23 06:09:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8316739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FantabulousAss/pseuds/FantabulousAss
Summary: Mako and Jamie are two kids living in a children's shelter. Jamie is adopted. Mako ages out at around the same time. What happens when a chance meeting awakens some interesting feelings?





	1. In the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so bad at introductions I'm sorry-. I'm also sorry if there are any inaccuracies with the adoption process, all information is gathered from my experiences while working with kids at a similar facility.

Mako fiddled with his slightly too tight shirt as one of the nuns brought in the newest drop off. It was a little boy, about four years old. He was shaking violently, and Mako wasn’t sure if it was because he was cold or if he was a drug baby. They saw quite a few of those, but rarely this old. He was thin, almost skeletal, and dirty, like he hadn’t been fed, clothed or even touched in a while. It hurt his heart to see it, but at least he was in good hands now.

Mako followed the nun as she brought him to the infirmary. “Is he okay?” He asked, his voice almost a whisper. He was twelve, technically not allowed in the infirmary unless he needed to be, but none of the kids minded him being in there, and he was quiet, so the nuns didn’t mind either.

“He’s very hungry. He needs something to eat. Then, yes, he should be fine.” When the nun, Sister Marie, put the kid down in one of the cradles and wrapped a blanket around him, he whimpered and started crying, motioning to be held. “Do you mind?”

At her prompting, Mako picked the child up, and his crying stopped immediately. The child stared at Mako, patted his face, trailing a light finger down the thickest scar, the one that went over his cheeks and lips. He must’ve picked it since it was still the darkest one. Then he noticed that the child’s eyes were an unusually light shade of brown. They were almost yellow. They were extraordinary, but in a good way, not like Mako. As he held him, the child put his head on Mako’s shoulder and his shivers were less violent. When Mako put his hand up to steady the kid, they turned into mild trembles.

They fed him, cleaned him up and made sure he wouldn’t mess himself in the night. “Does he have a name?” Mako asked as he rocked back on his heels. The little kid had really hated the bath, screamed when he went in, like he was expecting the water to hurt him. He loved the towel, though. He seemed to soak attention up like a sponge.

“Not officially. The police didn’t mention it, anyway. They brought him right over when he wouldn’t let them bathe him. We’ll see when we get his records in, if he has any.” Sister Marie ruffled the child’s patchy hair and sighed. “Once he’s healthy, he should be adopted quickly.”

Mako nodded and put the child, who was clean and had a full belly, in the crib. “I hope so.”

He was a little jealous. There were a lot of parents looking for younger children, and even kids with problems, like this one, would be adopted faster than older kids like Mako. It was stupid, however, to be jealous of a four year old, and Mako squashed the feeling.

`~`

A few days later, the kid was strong enough to go to the toddlers’ room, and he adjusted quickly. He seemed to enjoy playing with the other kids, but whenever he saw Mako, he quickly ran over and demanded to be held. For some reason, Mako couldn’t help but hold the kid, he was so tiny and attention-starved; it felt like he was doing something nice when he could relieve the nuns and other children from the kid’s boundless energy, too. He was a little terror when no one paid attention to him, throwing rocks at windows and mirrors, jumping from the swing set out in the church’s yard, screaming and wriggling out of everyone’s grasp, seeming like he wanted to find new ways to hurt himself.

When Mako picked him up, however, he was talkative, speaking the few words he knew (including words no four year old should know) and a whole lot of babble. He didn’t scream, he didn’t wriggle; he was just still. The police had come back with the kid’s meager history a few days after the kid had come to the church. He wasn’t born in a hospital or taken to one after he was born, so they had no real records of his birth. The family wasn’t an option, since, like Mako had predicted, they were drug addicts, and the kid was only found when the people next door heard him crying and hadn’t seen their father walk out of the apartment in two whole days. They weren’t in the same room as the kid when they overdosed, but their bodies were close enough for the kid to smell.

They had no pictures, no records, and no one to provide a name, since his grandparents were all dead, so Mother Ruth named him Jamison, and now they called him Jamie.

Mako didn’t talk much, having come from a similar background himself, but he knew the kid needed to be around someone who did, so he would start speaking real words instead of the silly babble that fell out of his mouth every day. Despite knowing he needed it, Mako was unwilling to hand Jamie over to anyone else, unless he was in school.

Because Mako lived behind a church, the kids on the bus knew he was an orphan, but it wasn’t often that he got bullied. When he _was_ bullied, on the other hand, it was by kids much larger than him, kids in high school. Mako was a pretty big kid himself, fat, but also tall, almost a full head taller than all the other kids in his classes. Because of his size, kids looking to prove to their friends that they were tough often targeted him. When Mako would retaliate, he would be the one in trouble, because they were the ones who walked away with bruises.

`~`

It took a while, almost a year and a half, but Jamie was soon fluent, and could actually speak about what he was thinking, feeling and wanting. To nobody’s surprise, Jamie wanted Mako, especially when he was at school.

Families, however, came by when the older kids were at school. One family that came by a lot was a pair of men. They took a liking to Jamie, and Jamie liked everyone, so he took to them, too. They were about the same age, but one, Jack, was blond, and he was a soldier. The other, Gabriel, was a cop, and was, in fact, the one that had brought Jamie to the shelter to begin with. They were interested, but they would have to wait, since there had been an altercation with a former member of Gabriel’s squad who had decided that he didn’t want to work with a gay man. There was still an open investigation about it, and they worried that they weren’t going to be able to adopt Jamison because of it.

The nuns, however, promised that Jamison was theirs. They tried to get the pair interested in Mako, but they insisted that they could only handle one kid at the moment. Mako understood, he guessed. Jamie was a handful, and Mako wasn’t the ideal kid.

The adoption process was halted because of the investigation, and that wasn’t resolved for another year and a half. Once the couple put their application in, however, they hit another snag, and they ended up having to wait for another three years to adopt Jamie. Despite all of this, they visited Jamie as often as they could, and Jamie continued to love them. They felt bad about Mako, since he was often there when they visited, but they really couldn’t afford to adopt him. Adoption was serious money, and they only had the money for Jamie. It sucked, but Mako really did understand, now that he was a little older. He told them not to be worried about it.

When they were finally cleared to take Jamie home, Mako was seventeen, turning eighteen in a few days. Jamie was ten years old, and hugged Mako tightly as he left. He knew by now what happened when kids left with two parents. They didn’t often come back. He knew the couple wasn’t going to return him, so he knew he was probably never going to see Mako again. “I’ll miss you.” He mumbled to Mako, who had to stoop to really hug Jamie properly.

“I know.” He grumbled back, as terrible with words as ever. “Have fun.”


	2. It's Been a Few Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No romance yet, but hold out a little while longer!

“Guys, guys, watch this shit, I made it myself.” Jamie was thirteen now, and had begun tinkering with, well, everything he could get his hands on, especially if those things exploded.

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” Lùcio mumbled, standing behind Hana as she filmed. “Shouldn’t we go get Mr. Morrison?”

“Quit bein’ such a wimp, Lu, this’ll be cool! ‘Sides, I was there when Jamie was mixing the powder, everything is the right measurements. The video said so!” Hana said. Still, she stood back a bit, being overly cautious when dealing with Jamie’s hobby.

“Aw-right you two, shuddap. I wanna hear everything as soon as I light the fuse.”

After the fuse was lit, and the little grenade thrown, Jamie turned his back to it, like he’d seen in the movies. He didn’t notice the little ball roll back towards him until Lùcio screamed.

Then, everything went white, and then dark.

`~`

The only thing Mako had asked for when he applied for the bouncer’s position at a nightclub was to be inside. His asthma was severe, he explained, and if he wasn’t in a place inside, he was worried that he’d have attacks. Plural. As in, multiple attacks.

However, his new employer hadn’t listened, and stuck him outside anyway. Mako felt like quitting over it, but where else would he go? Who else would hire a giant with little more than a fucked up face and a high school degree? He was just glad the club had an edgy, steampunk vibe to it, or the gas mask would look totally out of place. As it was, the mask looked too plain for him, so he commissioned a new one with the shape of a pig’s snout. He thought it’d be pretty funny, especially since he was so big, and he was doing it to annoy his boss.

However, his boss loved it, and it became a part of his regular uniform. Mako liked it because now, instead of people staring at his scars and under-bite, they stared into glassy eyes and an intimidating black frown. He ended up liking it so much that he often wore it while he was on his breaks, and even around his little apartment.

By now, at twenty-one, he had his own apartment that he didn’t have to share. He had worked his ass off, and had bought a weight set, and was now in better shape, though he was still overweight, especially in the belly region, but he never really minded that. He was tall, too, standing at seven feet tall. If he really cared to, he could probably lose more weight, especially since he was vegetarian, but honestly, his bulk was familiar, and he couldn’t imagine looking in the mirror and not seeing all his extra weight.

Mako was happy with his life. He didn’t have the biggest apartment, the best body, or even parents, but he was proud of what he had. He was finally at a good place.

`~`

Adjusting to regular prosthetics had been a pain in the ass, but he’d done it. Learning how to write with his non-dominant hand had been an even bigger pain in the ass, and he when he was tired, he made more mistakes, but he had done it. Adjusting to the prosthetics he and his new stepmother had developed together was easier, and was actually fun, especially when they visited the labs she worked in. However, the hardest part of having these prosthetics, which looked less real than his old ones, were the stares.

He wondered how Mako had done it. Those scars were right on his face, even though they faded as he got older. Jamison shook his head and ran his real hand through his hair, which had never grown in quite right. He was going to let the prosthetics hang out tonight, since the club they were going to was that kind of style. The rest of his clothes kind of felt like a costume, but it was supposed to be fun, a night to look cool and listen to some damn good music.

“Jamie!” Hana yelled up the stairs, with Lùcio no-doubt in tow. “Hurry up, lame-ass, or Lu’s gonna be late!”

Who knew his new stepmother would bring his best friends into the house with her? Who even knew they were her kids?

It was a weird situation. She’d married some guy who was way older than her, and when he died, she adopted Lùcio, a kid from Brazil and Hana, a little girl from Korea. She was a good mom, and an even better prosthetics creator, though Jamie hadn’t known that when he befriended the brother and sister.

After the explosion, the two families got really close, and eventually became a single unit. Jamie didn’t even _want_ to know how that worked in the bedroom. He was just glad his two best friends lived with him now.

Lùcio was a DJ, and a damn good one at that. He had a huge following on social media, and tonight was his first live show at a place that was commonly referred to as “The District”.

It was the part of town with the highest gay population in the whole city, and they were, shamelessly, trying to get Jamie drunk, so he could finally get a boyfriend, or at least laid. At least, that’s what Hana said she wanted to happen anyway. Lùcio was there to play a show.

Jamie was skeptical. He’d browsed Grinder, and after a solid hour of looking through profiles, he deleted the app and gave up on dating until he was older.

Once they got to the club, however, and he was surrounded by men and women who were queer or supporting queer friends, he changed his mind.

They got in before the club opened, and helped Lùcio set up. Since setup was just hooking up a computer and other equipment to the speakers, they easily moved on to the warm up.

Once warm up was over, Lùcio, Hana and Jamie all got a drink. Lùcio and Jamie got alcohol, Lùcio rolling his eyes at his friend’s first (legal) public alcoholic drink (a one night stand, of course the little shit), and Hana got a Mountain Dew. They were ready for the show.


	3. Welcome to the Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally meet! What happens? I'll give you a hint... It's awkward.

Mako usually enjoyed his job. It was simple, stand there and look intimidating, easy, scare someone off if they were causing trouble, and something he was perfectly suited to, getting physical when he had to. Music he usually liked always played behind him, and plus, there were so many attractive people everywhere he looked. It wasn’t like he was actually going to talk to them, he reasoned with himself. He was on the job. Besides, they’d never give him the time of day, even if he took the mask off.

Tonight, however, he wasn’t happy. It was his one night off, and of course they had a problem with their scheduling. The club was going to be busy as fuck, and the DJ playing wasn’t even the club’s usual type of music. It was pop-remixes and shit, supposedly, which he usually didn’t have a problem with, mind you, but the DJ himself wasn’t Mako’s cup of tea. His songs were nice, he guessed, he liked one or two of them, but listening to them for hours wasn’t something Mako was looking forward to.

On the other hand though, it was extra pay, and he knew he could always use a little more of that.

`~`

Inside, Jamie danced. He danced and danced until both of his legs throbbed and made him feel 80 instead of twenty-one, and his breath came out shallow and almost pained. God, he loved Lùcio’s music, and it wasn’t just because he was his best friend and literal brother. It was good music, happy and bumpy, and just felt good to listen to. It was a little different from his usual style, he was trying to fit the club and it showed, but Lùcio was talented, and Jamie, at least, thought his altered music showed his flexibility.

He hopped up on the barstool next to Hana and laughed wildly, slumping in his chair as sweat poured off his body. “Holy _shit_ , Hana! This is great! Why th’ fuck have we never come here before?”

“Cos Lùcio’s never played here before, you idiot!” She laughed as well, punching Jamie in his right bicep.

As he rested, one of the bouncers came inside for a drink and a short break. Jamie couldn’t hear what he ordered, but he was captivated. He was just Jamie’s type. The man was massive, had to be seven feet tall, and was built like a brick shithouse. His arms were corded with muscle, deeply contrasting the soft, round belly that jutted out in front of him. His face was covered by a mask, which added a whole new sexy element of surprise to his overall appearance, but he slid it upwards a bit to gulp down some water, and then take a shot. Even in the shitty lighting, Jamie could see that his lips were scarred, and tusk-like teeth jutted out from his bottom lip. Jamie’s heart fluttered, nearly stopping when he saw the teeth. He’d only ever seen one person on earth with that kind of under-bite and seemingly questionable dental work.

“Hana. Hana, Hana, Hana, Hana, Hana, Hana, I need to go. I need to go see that guard, dude, guy over there. Please, just, like, hold my seat.” Jamie jumped up and ran over to the bouncer and poked him on the arm.

“Sir, what’s your name?”

The behemoth looked down at Jamie for a minute, and Jamie couldn’t see anything but glass and leather. He stared, but then just turned and walked back outside. Jamie didn’t follow him, but went back to his seat, dejected as he ordered another drink, a tall one. He wanted to follow the bouncer, but if he went out, he didn’t know if the bouncer would let him back in, especially if it wasn’t Mako, and he managed to annoy the dude. Plus, the guy was on the job. It wouldn’t be fair to get him in trouble. He could wait, at least for a little while.

Unfortunately for Hana, however, he couldn’t find it in himself to talk about anyone or anything else than Mako Rutledge.

`~`

He’d gone inside for a drink; the humid night permeating through his mask and sometimes making it fog up, even just while standing there.

Mako had never been so overjoyed to have his mask, because the moment that blond kid poked him, he almost died right there. He knew that patchy hair and the lanky body, even with the years that had been added to his much taller frame. He knew who the kid was. How could he not? It had been nearly ten years since Jamie had been adopted, but the kid looked practically the same, even if he was exponentially taller than before. And his jaw was a little more defined. His cheekbones, too, were sharp enough to cut yourself on. His eyes, though; his eyes were still wild, still that bright amber color they’d been years ago.

God, this was bad. He was staring too long.

He’d never expected to see Jamie again. He’d especially never expected to see the kid while he was on the job.

Even worse, even more shameful, he never expected Jamie to grow up and be... hot.

The much older man had never been so happy to have a breathing problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I have most of this fic already done. I probably have ten??? chapters planned. I'm gonna post these chapters a little farther out than the first three, depending on the response I get on what I have here.


	4. The Problem with Age...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yeah, man, don’t forget, it’s not just weird because he’s older than you, it’s weird because you’re like eight years younger than him.” Lùcio stared at Jamie, watching the blond’s freckled face start to flush.
> 
> Jamie freaks out with his siblings and Mako's overthinking things and alone... The age gap is worrying them both. Sounds like a recipe for anxiety!

The next day, Jamie had a killer hangover, for sure, but he was revived by the fact that he’d actually seen his former best friend in the entire world.

He was also smacked into reality when he realized that he’d actually been attracted to the man who had practically raised him from his earliest (good) memories. That was weird, but not as weird as it would be if Jamie actually pursued these feelings. It would be weirder for Mako, of course.

That’s what freaked Jamie out the most. Mako hadn’t even seemed to notice the blond, much less recognize him. Of course, there was always the chance that it was someone else, but _really_ , could it be anyone else? Even if someone had the same under-bite, those scars... He couldn’t get a _great_ look, considering the dark club’s lighting, and his memory certainly wasn’t the greatest, but he could’ve sworn that he had those scars memorized.

So, Jamie did what he always did when he got anxious. He sat down and fiddled with a deconstructed, out-of-date model of his robotic arm that Angela had snagged for him. It really was a nifty thing. He didn’t know exactly how it worked, but that was mostly because the technology was top-secret, even to the clients it helped.

His leg, on the other hand, was a modified peg leg, out of sheer childhood nostalgia and childish wants. It made him look mismatched, but Jamie liked that about the prosthetics. He was from a mismatched, or would the better term be “mix-and-match”, family, after all. He had no sense of style, so his clothes were often mismatched anyway. So, yeah, call it a taste of preference.

Speaking of preference...

Mako. The one, the only Mako. Seeing Mako made Jamie want to scream for joy, but also made him nervous, and whenever he thought about it, his whole face went red. It was weird.

He understood that he wasn’t exactly straight, but he hadn’t expected... He’d never really noticed before, but all of the men that he’d ever been attracted to were, well... big. Bigger and taller than him, which was actually quite hard to find these days, since he was six and a half feet tall. Well, that made a lot of sense, now that he thought about it. Shit.

Jamie whipped his phone out and texted Hana and Lùcio, asking them to come to his room.

“Are you serious, man? You really couldn’t come downstairs?” Lùcio groaned as he and Hana plopped onto his bed.

“Shut up, I’m hung-over.” Lùcio snorted. Clearly, no sympathy there. “Okay, so, last night, you know how I was like, talking about that guy in the mask? I think that was the guy who was in the kid’s shelter with me when I was like, brought in and really little and shit. I dunno for sure, but Mako had like, this weird under-bite that made his like, bottom canine teeth look like fuckin’ fangs or tusks or some shit. I never saw anything like it before, and that guy in the club had the teeth. I don’t know for sure, but... really, how fuckin’ common could some fucked up teeth like that be? Even the braces didn’t fix that shit.” He babbled, he probably hadn’t breathed while speaking, so he was a little out of breath and felt like the embodiment of discomfort when his siblings just _stared_ at him like he was a total freak. “Well, say something, shit, guys!”

“Well, it’s just kinda weird. He’s like, super old, right? He taught you how to _talk_ , didn’t he? That’s _weird_.” Hana said, looking up at Jamie and cocking her head to the side before looking over at Lùcio. “That’s weird, right?”

“I mean, a little. But you’re both adults, so I mean, whatever happens is gonna happen, I guess.” Ah, Lùcio, ever the peacemaker. “But, yeah, I think it is, you know, pretty weird. He’s like, what, thirty?”

“Fuck off, the lotta ya.” Jamie pouted, as it he hadn’t actually asked for their opinion. “And he’s twenty nine, probably, I think. I mean, really, guys, it’s not that big of a deal, right?”

“Well, no, not really. It’s really only weird because he was like, practically an adult when you were ten. Oh, and he _knew_ you when you were ten.” Hana looked up from her phone and stared at Jamie. “It’s not just weird for you, either.”

“Yeah, man, don’t forget, it’s not just weird because he’s older than you, it’s weird because you’re like eight years younger than him.” Lùcio stared at Jamie, watching the blond’s freckled face start to flush.

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” Jamie kinda felt like he was being ganged up on, but he understood, a little. Not to mention the fact that he’d asked.

It _was_ weird, even if the only issue was the age thing. Jamie just chewed on his nail stubs.

“I mean, it makes sense you’d be all fluttery and crap over seeing him again. It’s great seeing people you haven’t seen in a while, and it must be better to see the dude you, like, grew up around, I guess you’d call it?” Hana didn’t really seem to know what she was talking about, and honestly, the both of them looked really uncomfortable. Jamie kinda wished he hadn’t said anything, save them all the embarrassment and discomfort.

“Look, guys, it’s not a big deal. I just wanted to see him, I guess, my emotions were a little screwy.” Nervously, he picked at a loose thread on his ripped jeans.

The room went silent, awkwardly so, and Jamie groaned, feeling guilty just thinking about it. “Look. Sorry. I’ll just... forget about it. Get th’ fuck outta my room.” He grumbled in frustration.

Jamie sat alone in silence for all of ten seconds before he grabbed his phone and looked up the club to see when the place opened. He was too curious, and honestly, too excited at the thought of seeing the big guy again.

But... what if Mako didn’t want to see him again? What if he just reminded Mako of bad times? What if Mako just brushed him off?

Well, obviously, Jamie would respect his decision, but he definitely wouldn’t be happy about it. Jamie groaned in frustration, accidentally tearing the same stray thread out of his pants. His lip felt tender, almost bruised and almost bleeding, when he licked hips lips, noticing how dry they’d gone. He must’ve been biting his lip as he thought.

Jamie wondered why he even cared. Mako hadn’t made any efforts to talk to him in the last eight years. It wasn’t as if they just hadn’t seen each other in years, but had been talking.

Then again, Jamie had been adopted. Mako hadn’t been. It was probably a sore spot for the big guy, and talking to Jamie might upset that. Still, though, not a single birthday card or call?

How would Mako even get ahold of these sorts of things?

God, why was he even thinking about this? He was impulsive. That was his thing. That was why he’d lost his arm and leg. Reckless, impulsive, wild, a little crazy; that was him. That was Jamie (Fawkes) Reyes-Morrison. Jamison didn’t think _anything_ through. He just _did_.

So. That was what he’d have to do when he went to the club that night.

`~`

Mako, on the other hand, was always thinking about things. The biggest issue he was thinking about right now was a much, much younger man that may or may not have made him feel like a kid in middle school as soon as he’d set eyes on him.

He couldn’t keep the sight of Jamie looking up at him out of his head. He’d never felt like that before. Well. He hadn’t felt that way since he _was_ a kid in middle school.

Mako wasn’t a virgin, of course, in fact he was rather recently out of a very serious relationship, but nothing had prepared for the overwhelmingly intoxicating way Jamie had stared up at him. The kid was drunk, yeah, obviously. It was a party. Who didn’t get drunk at a party?

Shame coursed through his big body, especially pooling in the bottom of his belly. It twisted in his gut, the sheer frustration it caused made Mako roughly let his ponytail down and ruffled through his prematurely graying locks.

The _look_ he’d given Mako... it stuck with the large man, and twisted his heart worse than any amount of shame could twist his gut. It just... hit him. Hard. It wasn’t arousal, it wasn’t pain, it was the best awful feeling he’d ever felt.

Yeah, Jamie reminded him of bad times, but the kid had been the best part of his unhappy childhood. He’d just always assumed that that was where Jamie would stay. His childhood.

Guilt aided the shame that roiled within. Jesus _Christ_ , he was almost a decade older than the k- Jamie. Calling him a kid just made it worse.

Still, though, seeing him was like a breath of fresh air, or finding a treat from childhood that was difficult to find, or even discontinued.

He wished he had someone to talk to, someone to talk it through with, but there was no one. Mako had never been overly social, and it was especially true in his adulthood, where he wasn’t being forced in a room with twenty-five other students, or four or five other employees. He had never wished to have a friend more than he did at the moment. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your sweet comments! I've got a few more chapters written up, so I have some to post when I'm too busy to write. Again, thank you so much for your comments and your kudos! <3 y'all are too nice!


	5. Totally Not Stalling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie goes back to the club to find Mako, and Mako stays in bed all day, definitely not overanalyzing everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is just another filler chapter! The boys will be meeting in the next chapter! Thank you for your patience!

The club was different tonight, had a different energy around the place. It was heavier; the music itself was heavier, more serious, though not that much. It was still a club, after all, and as far as Jamie knew, the main purpose of clubs was to dance, and have fun.

However, obviously, he wasn’t there for the ambience. He was there to see Mako, to see if he was working that night. He spoke to everyone on shift that would listen to him. Apparently, he wasn’t on shift for that night, since he’d taken the shift the night before. All of them said that he’d be back in a few days, or maybe even the next night. He was a good worker, a loyal man who didn’t like to miss work, and didn’t complain about the work that was being done. That sounded like the Mako that Jamie remembered... if his memory served correctly, anyway.

In any case, the consensus was that Jamie would have to wait. Jamie didn’t like waiting.

He thought of asking for his address, but that seemed creepy, didn’t it? He didn’t want to creep Mako out. He’d just have to wait. Delightful.

`~`

Mako, on the other hand, was spending his whole day in bed. He wanted to sleep, wanted to forget at least a little bit of what was going on. He wanted very much to forget the way his gut twisted when Jamie just _looking_ at him. His TV blared, playing some stupid cartoon he was barely paying attention to.

It was light, colorful and meaningless, unlike the issues weighing in on his mind. On the one hand, Jamie was 21. He was an adult. He could consent, make his own decisions...

On the other... They had been ridiculously close before. Mako had _changed his diaper_ as a kid, and it was just... way, way too much to think about. So, he focused on the silly cartoon.

Still, childhood was so many years ago. It wasn’t like Mako had groomed him. It wasn’t like he was _forcing_ Jamie to see him. Shit, he was overthinking everything, wasn’t he? Jamie just wanted to _see_ him. Mako was the one making everything weird. He was the one attaching a stupid crush to it.

Still, though, he was being _weird_.

`~`

No matter how badly he was dreading coming back to work, no matter how nervous he was, no matter what feeling he was currently trying to push down, work came first, and the mask helped to solidify that fact.

The mask was comforting in its near complete anonymity. No one could see the emotional turmoil, no one could see that fear, nerves and a stupid crush twisted his guts until he could barely swallow his meals.

“Kid was here askin’ about you yesterday.” His coworker, Jesse, wasn’t nearly as big as Mako, but he could definitely hold his own. “Kinda looked like a tweaker. He’ll probably be back to see ya. What’s his deal?”

Mako said nothing, another stab of anxiety tightening the ball in his gut. He wasn’t sure if this round of fear was because Jamie was looking for him, or if he was looking forward to seeing him.

“Fine. Don’t answer. Your business is your business. I just thought I’d warn ya, in case he was a jealous ex or somethin’.” McCree smirked around his unlit cigar. Mako liked McCree. He dressed weird, like a subtle cowboy, with his hat and weird shawl thing. It was just weird enough to fit the club’s look. The guy was nice enough to refrain from smoking around Mako, but didn’t coddle him about it either. He just didn’t make an annoying situation worse. The gas mask filtered most indirect smoke, but if it was right in front of him, it was often too strong for the cheap mask to handle. It was a nice feeling, though, a really nice gesture; one Mako would happily reciprocate wherever and whenever he could.

“He’s not.” Mako grumbled after they turned a girl and her boyfriend away. The two were obviously on drugs, and the club’s owner, some Asian kid who’d inherited it from his father, said he had enough problems without drugs getting mixed in. “An ex, I mean.”

“Good. Less drama that way. Just wanted to warn ya.”

Mako grunted his appreciation, and gave a curt nod. He was grateful for the heads up, but knowing that Jamie really had recognized him, and was coming back for the chance to talk to him really messed with that lovely anxiety soup in his stomach.

For now, he decided to only acknowledge the excitement. Shit, he was going to see the best friend he’d ever had. He ignored the fact that that was a really depressing thought as he internally prepared to see Jamie for the first time in ten years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School is a major bitch, man! I have two more chapters to write and then this whole story will be done. This whole thing is gonna be ten chapters long, so thank you for all your patience and sweet comments and kudos! <3 I hope you liked it!


	6. At Last I See The Light (Or, Well, You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THEY FINALLY MEET! It's about damn time, am I right? Also I've never been in a night club, as if you couldn't tell by my terrible descriptions from before, lmao. Anyway though, I hope you like it!

Jamie buzzed with excitement. The one bouncer guy at the front was the only one who said anything definitive about Mako, and gave a straight answer on Mako’s real work habits. He assured Jamie that Mako would be there.

Not that he was chickening out or anything, but Jamie had circled around the block twice. He’d seen Mako. He was big, imposing, standing at least six inches above anyone else in the line. The mask stared down at everyone; coldly assessing anyone who wanted to go in before eventually jerking his head to the left if they were allowed in, and a slow shake if they weren’t.

So maybe Jamie had gone around the block more than twice... Shut up!

After finding somewhere to park, Jamie made sure it was close to closing time, but not so close that if they didn’t hit it off, then they wouldn’t be standing in silence with nowhere else to go.

`~`

Mako noticed the car driving around; saw the tufts of blond hair. He was nervous too, but at least he had his mask. He’d been sure to not use his breaks until then. Attendance always stuttered to a little trickle as the night went on, McCree could take over from there.

Once Mako saw Jamie walking up, and he was close enough, Mako made a familiar motion, jerking his head toward the door as Jamie passed. He was nervous, but glad to be on familiar turf, where he felt secure and in control. Jamie, on the other hand, didn’t share Mako’s ease, and it showed.

His eyes flicked back and forth, taking everything in as quickly as he could. He was so silent. Not for the first time, Mako was glad for his size. People gladly moved over for him, giving both Mako and Jamie room enough to reach the bar. Jamie ordered something sugary and blue, and Mako got a beer, not that that was stereotypical or anything.

`~`

Christ, it was awkward. Mako had never been one to talk a whole lot, Jamie couldn’t really hear him anyway, but the feel of the club was different, even from the night before. It was wilder, less happy, more of a serious tone. It was good for hitting into people, getting out frustration.

He liked it. It was chaotic, wild. People thrashed and hit into each other, helping people back up if they fell back down. It was controlled chaos. It was great. Jamie itched to get in there, but Mako’s presence held him there as they drank.

“If you want, go in. I’ll stay here.” Mako was suddenly there, speaking through the mask into Jamie’s ear. It was weirdly muffled, and deeper, scratchier than it had been when he was a teenager. It sounded like he hadn’t actually used his voice in a long time. The glass eyed mask stared at him, the lights from the dance floor reflecting off the shiny circles. “Go on. It’s fun.”

“I can’t.” He said, just loud enough for Mako to hear over the loud music. “I’m here with you.”

“Just go. Have fun.” He grunted, giving his shoulder a gentle push. “I’ll be right here. We’re closing soon.”

Jamie was unsure, but put his half-finished drink down. Mako immediately picked it back up, making sure no one touched it.

He hobbled over, pushing his way inside the small mob that had formed. Jamie was nervous, until someone else shoved into him. At first, he was gonna hit em, but then he realized hat was what the mob was about. He danced again, but this time it was wilder, limbs flailing, bodies smashing; endorphins rushed, his heart pounded. His leg hurt but he didn’t care. He felt eyes on him.

He turned, and saw Mako staring. He was taller than everyone; he had a perfect view of Jamie. Mako quickly looked away, as if bashful for being caught staring. He was still holding Jamie’s drink, and now he was staring at it. Cute.

What. No. Cute was not okay. Cute was not right... Not now.

He left the mass of people and limped back to Mako, who handed him his drink. Mako looked down at Jamie’s leg and then back up to his face. He didn’t say anything. “We should go.”

“If you think that’s best.” Jamie said, gulping the rest of the sweet alcohol down. “Where should we go?”

“’S a diner right down the street from here. It’s open ‘til four.” Mako said, dipping down so his quiet, gravelly voice could actually be heard over the loud music.

Usually, Jamie would love to be in such a loud space. He loved going to Lùcio’s concerts, he loved being a part of a crowd. He loved the chaos, how it was controlled in one room, but how it was still _chaos_. God he loved that word. But right now, he wanted some calm. The club was overwhelming for this situation. Mako was so quiet, and the club was nice, a great place for a first date, maybe, but not for two people who wanted to catch up. “That sounds great! Let’s go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this has taken so long to post! I've been trying to write the final scenes of this fic and I'm just... really bad at writing smut... oops was that a spoiler?


	7. Sort of Not a Date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So... no relationships?”  
> Jamie’s sudden question startled Mako a little, but not so badly that he even showed it. “Just one. She’s gone though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey guys! I hope Halloween was awesome! I really hope y'all got the skins you wanted, if you play the game. In this chapter, Mako and Jamie go on a not-date and Jamie just might dig a little too deep.

Mako hadn’t taken his mask off. Jamie stared awkwardly at the two little circles of glass. When he got nervous, he fidgeted. He was nervous.

He bit his lip, tapped his feet, feeling a little self-conscious about the noise his peg leg made against the linoleum, so he stopped. He kept his prosthetic arm in his lap and tapped against the cheap plastic tabletop. He’d just realized that Mako hadn’t seen the prosthetics. He’d probably yell at him for being stupid and losing his real limbs, but then Jamie realized how stupid that would be. It wasn’t like yelling at him would bring the limbs back. Mako was much more reasonable than that.

`~`

Mako felt bad. He hadn’t meant to keep the mask on, but it was a safety blanket for him, he guessed.

As Jamie fidgeted, a nervous tick that Mako had forgotten about until right about then, he weighed the pros and cons of taking off the mask. It’d probably make Jamie more at ease, but... he still felt ashamed, no, not ashamed, embarrassed of his face; the staring it would cause. Still, though, the place was damn near empty. He decided that Jamie was worth the stares after he started to nibble his lip again. Mako had never known Jamie to be quiet, and he couldn’t imagine the years changing that about him.

As he took the mask off, felt the cool air, he wiped where the mask left ridges from where it had been digging into his skin on his forehead. For a moment, he didn’t look at Jamie, and felt his face flush slightly.

When he looked back up, Jamie was smiling. Jamie smiled and it was all worth it. “There it is!” He cried. “God, Mako, you’ve barely changed.”

Mako gave a little chuckle. “Could say the same about you.”

Jamie scowled at that. “Hey, at least I got a little bit taller, and had puberty and shit! You did nothin’ but mature into that body’a yours!”

With a snort and a smirk, Mako rolled his eyes. Jamie was just a little too loud, just like always. “Wassat supposed to mean?”

Jamie flushed and shrugged. “I’unno, man, ‘s just a thing people say, I guess.”

The waitress, bless her soul, came over soon enough. Mako’s face didn’t faze her, and when Jamie put his prosthetic up to temple his fingers, she remained blissfully nonchalant. Mako just figured she’d seen weirder.

They ordered, Mako getting fried green tomatoes, the special, and Jamie got a grilled cheese sandwich. Mako chuckled at how little things had really changed.

“So, Mako, really, what have you been doing lately? It’s been about a thousand years! Have you had any girlfriends? Serious relationships? I wanna _know_ , Mako!” Jamie cried, “You were, like, my best friend, and I don’t know nothin’ about you anymore! How’d you score that job? Seems like a great one!”

Mako nodded and cleared his throat. “It is. I like it. ‘S easy.” Mako took a long swig of the water he’d ordered and mulled over whether or not to tell Jamie certain aspects of his life. “My old landlady got me the job. Said she wanted me to look out for her grandson, Jesse. He can hold his own, but he’s small so people think they can push past him and be fine.” Not to mention the fact that he loved his little pistol and kept it on him at all times, and pulled it if he felt attacked. He hadn’t ever _fired_ it, but the fact that he had it was worrying enough.

“Old landlady? How often have you moved?” Jamie asked. He didn’t seem to have any sense of personal space. Maybe Jamie didn’t remember moving. Mako just chuckled.

“Four times. Twice with room mates and twice on my own.” Mako replied.

It was awkward; the conversation stilted and stuttered to a stop. Mako tried to start, but everything he tried to say felt wrong. Still, though, as they ate, it wasn’t unbearably awkward, like most other conversations Mako tried to hold. It wasn’t comfortable, like silences had been with his ex, but he was sure that if they just hung out a little more, it’d be easier.

“So... no relationships?”

Jamie’s sudden question startled Mako a little, but not so badly that he even showed it. “Just one. She’s gone though.”

`~`

The rest of the meal went on in complete silence. Jamie was uncomfortable, but something about Mako’s silence, or maybe it was his size and deliberate movements, was calming.

“I’m not so good at talking in person. ‘M better over text.” Mako said, sliding his phone over to Jamie.

“Sure! Sure, absolutely. I don’t mind, it makes sense.” It was sort of like his mask. Mako was obviously more comfortable when he was removed from a situation, or people couldn’t see what he was thinking or feeling. It made sense, he guessed.

He remembered that Mako had been abused, had been taken by the state, and placed into foster care. He remembered that much. It made sense for him to want some anonymity.

Jamie had just hoped it would be different for him this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey guys, I really hope you like it! I just wanted to thank everyone for leaving kudos and comments and everything. I thought I was done with this fic, but now I'm looking at what I've got for an ending and it kinda seems... cliff-hanger-ish, so I guess I'm not done with it quite yet. Damn it, lmao. Anywho, if you wanna drop a line to me on Tumblr, go find me at that-one-bear-dad. Maybe you could help me finish this monstrosity!


	8. Awkwardness Abound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Texting, they both quickly realized, was much easier, even if it still wasn’t perfect and seamless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! These boys are finally texting together... they have a nice little date!!

Texting, they both quickly realized, was much easier, even if it still wasn’t perfect and seamless. Jamie was a double-triple-quadruple texter, and Mako was the type to send a single text to get them back on track whenever there was a lull in the conversation. It wasn’t too meaningful or anything, it was just stuff about the day, what they were doing, that type of thing.

Until a week later, Mako got a text from Jamie that went a while without any other texts right afterward.

‘Wat did u mean by ur gf was gone?’

Mako stared at the phone for a minute before sighing and typing out a simple reply. ‘I mean she’s gone.’

He could practically hear Jamie’s frustrated groan. ‘Well duh I kno that’, and then, ‘was she rlly tht srs?’

Mako groaned and shook his head. ‘Yes.’

‘Then why’d u let her go?’

‘She died.’

A long silence stretched between the two of them, until Jamie broke it. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Not your fault. She was biking at night. Guy came around the bend and hit her. She died fast.’

He grimaced at how cold that sounded. He cursed to himself and sighed. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just easier to ignore it.’

Why was he going into so much detail? What did that matter?

‘I get that.’ Jamie answered quickly. ‘U wanna hang out?’

‘Sure. I’m off work all tonight. Wanna see a movie?’

‘Yeah!’ Jamie started listing all the options in both of the movie theaters in the area, one text after the next.

‘I don’t really care which movie we see, as long as it’s with you.’ Mako groaned at the stupidity of his line, but it seemed to stun Jamie into silence for the moment.

‘That’s sweet of ya, ya big lug. Fine, we’ll go see,’ He listed off a comedy. That was safe. It wasn’t romantic, but it was relaxed enough that maybe an accidental touch of the hand wouldn’t be completely out of place. Mako had big hands; he was a big man; shit like that was bound to happen.

And if Jamie jerked his hand away, then fine.

`~`

At the theater, Mako paid for tickets, and Jamie paid for the snacks and drinks.

As the movie started, Jamie was twitchy; fingers nervously gripping the theater seats and letting them go as soon as his knuckles turned white. He was so nervous that he started listing the ingredients and their quantities that had been needed to make the explosive that had taken his arm and leg. He wondered about that, why hadn’t Mako asked? Jamie would’ve, but maybe that was because he was nosier than Mako was.

The movie was funny, for what it was. Jamie kind of wished he had chosen another movie, so there would be action, music and hopefully an explosion or two. There was nothing like a nice big boom to set the nerves right. However, when Jamie looked over at Mako, a well-timed joke made the elder laugh, and it wasn’t just a small giggle either. Jamie hadn’t found it that funny, but maybe that was because he was too focused on Mako.

The laugh made Jamie feel like his chest was too small for his lungs. He couldn’t breathe for a second. When he regained his composure, Mako just wore a small smile, and then he looked over at Jamie. The big man stared for a second, speeding Jamie’s heart back up again and then looked back to the screen.

Jamie didn’t know what to make of this. There wasn’t exactly a manual for it, and as far as Jamie could tell, Mako might feel the same way, but was unwilling to show it until Jamie started something.

What a fucking mess.

He noticed Mako’s massive hand sitting on the cup holder. His palm was up, as if he was just waiting for Jamie’s hand to fall into it.

`~`

He knew it was bold. It was much bolder than he usually figured he had any right to be, but if he was reading the situation right, if he was reading Jamie’s nervousness correctly, then this was something that Jamie was not only okay with, but wanted.

Jamie hadn’t said anything about a girlfriend, or boyfriend, but sometimes, Mako could just tell. It wasn’t something he’d ever expected, but to be fair, there was no predicting in situations like theirs.

When Jamie’s hand, huge but still dwarfed by Mako’s, fit into his, Mako settled back into his seat with a smile and a sigh.

Confirmation sure was nice.


	9. Getting to Know You, Getting to Know all About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, one night, as they sat drinking in Mako’s apartment, Jamie, with bright red cheeks flushed with intoxication and lowered inhibitions, asked about Mako’s early childhood.

They didn’t start dating right away. Jamie still felt a little nervous about it all, and Mako couldn’t blame him. He still couldn’t shake the weird guilt he felt whenever he thought about him and Jamie being together.

The mask helped. When he put on the mask, nobody could see what he was thinking, which made it easier to pretend he really wasn’t feeling anything. So, Mako started wearing the mask as he walked around his apartment and even once to the grocery store. He got lots of stares, but it was better than people staring at his actual face, so he didn’t really mind.

Unfortunately, the mask didn’t help when he was texting Jamie. There was still the wall of anonymity, but it was easier for Jamie to tell, or so he said.

He was starting to hang around Mako’s job more, and Mako found himself taking more breaks, just to be around Jamie, even when they didn’t say anything. Their shared silences were getting less awkward. Jamie was talking more, babbling about his plans for college, once he was ready for it.

Mako was happy for him, happy that college was an option for him (not that it wasn’t an option for Mako now that he was making money, he was just happy enough where he was, he didn’t feel like going back to school). Mako liked hearing about Jamie’s plans, and hearing about what he was passionate about. He was interesting, with a huge love for chemistry and biology.

He even told Mako the story of his prosthetics and how they, well, got to be on his body. Mako offered why the pig mask, but he didn’t think it was nearly as personal as it could’ve been.

So, one night, as they sat drinking in Mako’s apartment, Jamie, with bright red cheeks flushed with intoxication and lowered inhibitions, asked about Mako’s early childhood.

At first, Mako just stared ahead. Jamie crawled over and straddled Mako’s lap. He rubbed Mako’s shoulders and blinked at him earnestly. Mako just stared.

Honestly, Mako didn’t want to tell him what he remembered, even though he didn’t really remember all that much. But Jamie was drunk, and unlikely to remember anything in the morning, so he placed both hands on Jamie’s hips and rubbed his hipbones, which protruded sharply, even though Mako knew Jamie ate well. On some plane, he was jealous, he guessed, but the differences between their bodies was actually quite pleasing; even arousing, if Mako let his mind drift in that direction.

Jamie sighed and rubbed the side of Mako’s belly. “Tell me about your family, Mako, please... I don’t remember anything about mine.”

Mako sighed and relaxed, instantly feeling guilty about talking about them. “My parents were rich. They were too busy for me, so they hired nannies until Pop lost his business. Don’t remember why he lost it, but I think he was doing something illegal. He didn’t get arrested or anything, but he got violent with my mom and I. It was usually the basic stuff. Pushing us around, backhanding my mom if she spoke up. Shitty stuff like that.” It was the most words he’d said in a row to anyone. He’d never told anyone about his parents. Well, he’d told the courts when he was a little kid, but that didn’t count. “Not long after that, Ma started drinking, shit like that. The regular sob story. Ma fell asleep while trying to cook something. The stove exploded. She died; I got lotsa scars and some burns. Pop went to jail and I went to the church. He still ain’t out, and I still don’t care.”

Jamie grunted. Mako chuckled at that. “I’m rubbin’ off on ya.” Maybe Mako _was_ feeling the alcohol they’d both been drinking, but he wasn’t nearly as far-gone as Jamie was. Jamie hated beer, so Mako’d gotten him some vodka-lemonade bullshit. Jamie leaned down and kissed Mako, skinny body lying perfectly against the curve of his belly.

Their first kiss, and it tasted like lemons and vodka. It started out gentle, but the longer they kissed, the harder, more passionate it got. Mako stopped the kiss when Jamie actually rutted against Mako. “Jamie, Jamie, no.”

“What the fuck, babe, please, don’t, I wanna.” Jamie complained, wriggling in Mako’s grasp.

If Mako was a little more drunk than he already was, he probably would’ve allowed it, but above all else, there was nothing else he detested more than the thought of being was a man like his father. So, he deescalated, picking Jamie up and nestling him into his side. “So fuckin’ mean to me, Mako. Why you gotta do this?”

“Because you’re drunk, you’re young and I’m not gonna do anything I don’t know you’re ready for.” Mako mumbled. “Just relax. Wanna watch a movie?” He asked, looking down at the little blond.

“Yeah, sure, I guess.”

`~`

Jamie woke up nestled against Mako, the warmth from his side overheating him until he had to get up and get a drink of water and take a leak.

As he padded around the small apartment, Mako’s gentle snores made Jamie circle back. Whenever he was around Mako, his brain calmed down. Not anything to write home about, but it made him considerate, less likely to wake the sleeping giant. It wasn’t fear. Fear did the opposite for Jamie. Made him jittery, like he’d drank ten cups of coffee.

Jamie watche him as he slept. Sleep made his scarred face slack; he looked younger than he usually did. Some of the scars that were near his eyes looked like scars, not crow’s feet like they usually did.

He was handsome, Jamie thought. With the scars, without the scars, he was still handsome. Probably not conventionally, of course, with his thick lips, large nose and his unforgettable under-bite. Still, though, Jamie had never loved anyone more.

Loved. That shocked him, though he supposed it shouldn’t. It had been a long time coming.

Mako stirred as Jamie filled up another glass of water. Jamie hobbled over and made sure Mako had a good grip on the glass before fitting right back up against Mako’s side. As he fiddled with his prosthetic, detaching it, he asked, “How’d you sleep?” He asked as he tucked his leg and stump underneath him.

Mako rolled his neck, hearing the bones pop and resettle. “Too old to sleep on the couch.” He chuckled at his own joke and took a sip of water. “Slept fine though. You?”

“Y’ see, there’s an advantage to being young and beautiful. I slept great!”

Mako laughed at that, ruffling Jamie’s hair. “Yeah, yeah that’s true.”

Another silence stretched between the two, until Mako heard Jamie mumbling. “What?”

“The fuck’d you get so hot, Mako? ‘S not fair.” Jamie mumbled.

Mako laughed and shook his head before he rubbed Jamie’s shoulder with his thumb. “What do you wanna do?”

Jamie shrugged and snuggled just that much closer. He nibbled his lip, but not nearly as hard as he did when he was anxious. “I dunno. What if we did something crazy? Something fun?”

“Hm?” If there was ever a questionable grunt, that was it. “What do ya mean, crazy?” He asked.

“Well, crazy, like... Maybe a tattoo or something! You ever gotten a tattoo?” Jamie asked, looking up at Mako, those wild orange eyes flicking all over Mako’s face, looking for all and any signs of recognition.

Mako snorted with a smirk and nodded, lifting up his shirt to reveal a large tattoo that covered most of his belly. The words read “Wild Hog Power” and the picture was a rather cute pig with motorcycle engines behind it. The nose of the pig was Mako’s outie belly button. How _cute_!

“Th’ fuck is _this_?! It’s so fuckin’ cute, Mako! When did you get it? _Why_ did you get it? Why motorcycle engines?” Jamie practically vibrated with energy, fingers just barely grazing the soft flesh. He ignored the scars that littered the non-tattooed areas, even though he was _so_ curious. “It’s _so cute_!”

Mako chuckled, watching as Jamie’s hands jerked away at his belly’s movements. “Went through a biker phase. Had a good group ‘til our leader’s girl got pregnant. Started workin’ again.”

“Not fair! You have a tattoo and I don’t! Now we _have_ to go!” Jamie pouted, legitimately pouted, while still admiring the pig, tracing the ears. “Please, Mako, please!”

Mako laughed again, causing another hand jerk away from his belly. “Fine. You’re the only one getting inked though.”

“Well, shit, fine! What should I get?”

Mako looked down at Jamie, giving him a look of utter perplexity. “I can’t pick out your tattoo for you.”

Jamie furrowed his brow and bit his lip, rubbing the scars at the bottom of his stump. “Well, yeah, I know, but I don’t know what to get, I just want one.”

“Then think about it. Slow down. Think.”

With a groan, Jamie flailed and then quickly reattached his peg leg. He started pacing around, and Mako just laughed watching him. “Gonna shower while you think about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this chapter a couple times and I finally decided to like what I wrote in it. This fic is coming to its close! I can't believe I miscounted the chapters. School is coming to a close, so I've gotta crunch for finals and my birthday is on the 26th, so I'll probably be writing something self indulgent again, lol. Y'all are always welcome to send me suggestions on my tumblr, that-one-bear-dad if you want. I mean, hell, you can always just send me a message on my tumblr. Idk why I'm acting like this is the last chapter. It's not I promise. I'm just gonna go before this gets even more awkward.


	10. Clever Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mako and Jamie realize the more things change, the more they stay the same. (Or, Mako gets lost in his thoughts about childhood and Jamie reflects on the items inside Mako's house.)

Jamie hadn’t changed much since his childhood, and sometimes it overwhelmed Mako. However, he realized that maybe he hadn’t changed so much either.

It was like nothing had changed but their age, and of course, the emotions their ages and experiences had brought... So basically everything had changed while everything stayed the same. Fuckin’ confusing, poetic bullshit.

As he stripped and showered, Mako wondered how many scars Jamie had seen. He wondered if he’d figure out that some of them were a little too uniform to have been caused by a random explosion.

Truthfully, his mom had had some issues even before his dad had started beating her. Of course, the beatings hadn’t helped, but that was besides the point. He didn’t remember how she got him to stay still, but she called it being experimental. She had self harmed for years, pretending to “cut off” fat, and when Mako turned eight, two years before her death, she started using her blades on places where he needed to do the same. She called it “shaving off the pounds”. She was so goddamn clever, wasn’t she?

There were few things that Mako remembered about her, and he hated that that had to be one of them.

He hated that Jamie had somehow just reminded him of that.

_She_ had been nothing like that. Then again, _she_ really didn’t know so many personal details. _She_ didn’t care about the past _she_ just wanted a future. It was commendable, and it was one of the things Mako had loved about _her_.

He couldn’t blame Jamie though. Jamie hadn’t known. Jamie couldn’t know. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

Mako stopped thinking about it and washed his hair.

`~`

Jamie, on the other hand, stalked around the apartment, looking for anything personal that maybe he could use for inspiration. So far, he was coming up with nothing.

He didn’t expect anything from the shelter, since that stuff was rarely personal anyway, but there was nothing, aside from an inhaler. It wasn’t old, either. Recently prescribed... did Mako still have shitty lungs? For some reason, Jamie thought childhood asthma went away as childhood ended. Weird.

Oh well, not his issue.

When Mako stepped out of the shower, Jamie immediately scurried back to the couch and plopped down, trying desperately not to look.

`~`

Jamie didn’t end up getting a tattoo. They saw a movie and got dinner. Then, Mako made Jamie go back home.

When Mako went to bed (alone), however, he had a dream he hadn’t had in a very long time.

He’s a kid again, and it’s a normal morning, except his ma is cooking. Ma smells sharp, like always, and she’s cooking with a cigarette hanging from her thick lips. He wheezes a little, hearing it more than actually feeling it, so it’s not unbearable. Unlike the first time, his throat isn’t closing up.

Ma is yelling at him. He turns to look at her and she opens her mouth to yell at him about his shirt. It’s on backwards, he remembers that.

He always wakes up before the explosion. This time though, it isn’t smoke that closes his throat, it’s anxiety.

Mako has the dream twice again before morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW I am so sorry! I just started my dream job and didn't even realize I never updated this story! Chapter 11 is coming right up! These last two chapters are short. They're basically just wrapping up this story into a cute little package.


	11. High Expectations Lead to Failure (And Maybe Some Pleasure)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie and Mako talk about some pretty heavy things when the natural high of great sex clouds the air.

Jamie worries a little when Mako doesn’t text him in the morning. The past two weeks of not-dating were great, but...

But what? Nothing was wrong!

And that was exactly what was wrong. Nothing bad was happening, there was no change of tone of voice, no change in the air between them, only the fact that Mako hadn’t texted first.

So why was he worried? Well... Mako was a creature of habit, and didn’t like to break that habit.

Soon enough, though, a little ding signaled the text. ‘Slept in. How’d you sleep?’

‘Good, I guess. Doin anything today?’

‘Nah. I wanted to be alone though. Is that okay?’

Jamie almost hated that Mako texted so perfectly. He was so fucking meticulous it almost pissed Jamie off. He also liked it. Hana and Lùcio were so sloppy when they texted, but Mako was so goddamn meticulous and clear, it was nice. It was affecting the way Jamie was texting too. He hated it.

What the fuck even were emotions?

‘It’s fine!’

Was that too fast? Was it too much?

‘Thanks.’

Apparently, it was perfect.

`~`

Mako had a lot of problems. Most of them had to do with trust. It wasn’t a secret, yet not a lot of people knew it. It wasn’t a secret; it was just a hidden truth that no one had bothered to ask about.

Jamie was starting to ask. He remembered more about their drunken conversation than Mako thought he would. Now, the older man was backpedalling as quickly as he could.

“You have a scar on top of the pig’s head. That’s too straight to be from an explosion. I’d know. I’ve been in one, remember?”

Mako did remember, and he was irritated. They were back in Mako’s apartment, and Jamie was pacing around the room. He was upset that Mako wasn’t telling him something. Mako was upset that it was even an issue.

“Look, Mako, you don’t have to tell me if it’s, like, really bad, but _shit_ , babe, please. I wanna know. I think it’s pretty obvious that I care a hell of a lot about you! I just want to know.” Jamie sat on Mako’s lap and looked up at him. He gently gripped Mako’s forearms and rubbed his thumbs in a circle in the flesh. “Please, Mako.”

His eyes were bright, round and curious. Mako groaned. His one, okay, well, worst weakness was the eyes. The larger man couldn’t handle seeing any negative energy in those eyes. “Jamie, not today? Please?”

“Mako. Please. If not today, tomorrow, just sometime, please, Mako.”

“Jamie. I don’t want to say anything.”

Jamie tightened his grip on Mako’s arms and leaned up to look him in the eyes. “Mako, I love you. I do not say these types of things lightly.” He was uncharacteristically serious. He was so calm, except for those eyes. Those beautiful amber eyes danced all over Mako’s face. They searched and searched for any sort of give. “It doesn’t have to be everything, but it’s gotta be something; just something small.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll give you something. I didn’t make them.”

“There’s more? Show me.”

“No.”

Jamie groaned and kissed Mako, knocking him off guard. “You’ll show me one day. I can promise you that.”

“I’m sure I will. Today, however, no. Now. Kiss me again, I’m feeling terribly scandalized.” Jamie laughed and kissed Mako, who turned the peck into something a little more serious.

Jamie laughed again as a huge hand lifted him up by the butt.

They escalated quickly, until Mako again stopped it. “Not on the couch.”

The growl in his voice ran a shiver down Jamie’s back and pooled in his groin. “On the bed? Babe, you’re fuckin’ spoiling me.”

Mako lifted him, holding his entire body with one arm. “Shut up.” Jamie melted into the embrace, pressing kisses to Mako’s jaw and the little pocket of fat underneath it. He noticed a scar along the jawline that he hadn’t before. It traced his little double chin. He made a note of the scar, so he could ask about it later. For now, though, he pressed his lips to it and gave it a little nip. Mako grunted at the sharpness, but didn’t tell him to stop.

When they got to the bedroom, Mako laid Jamie gently on the bed and finally returned the favor. Jamie had been shirtless to begin with, so removing his pants and underwear had been easy.

Jamie was reduced to giggles and muffled swears through his arm. The stubble Mako hadn’t bothered to shave off burned his skin as it grazed the most tender areas of his neck and torso. Everywhere his lips touched zinged with energy. The more he moved, the more Jamie reacted.

Jamie bucked into a kiss to the hipbone that Mako seemed to love so much. Apparently, Jamie liked it too.

`~`

As they lay in Mako’s bed, Jamie drew circles over Mako’s naked, chubby chest. “You know, I don’t think I’m what Jack and Gabriel expected. I think they thought I’d be easier when I got older, but I wasn’t.”

Mako looked down, a concerned look gracing his face as he did so. “What do you mean, Jamie?” He was used to the rapid subject changes now, glad for them, since they kept his mind sharp.

“Well, I’m sure they didn’t expect me to blow my fuckin’ limbs off. I know Jack hoped I’d enlist. Can’t go in without all my parts, right?” He giggled for a second and sighed. “’S all good though, babe, my accident got my dads a new girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong, she’s like, the best woman I’ve ever met in my whole life, but her having two more kids gave them a do-over.”

“You know that’s not true, Jamie. Your dads love you.”

“Yeah, well, it ain’t like Mom used to. I remember that. I remember she was nice, at least. She used to dance in the kitchen, she sang, too, but her voice was awful. That’s all I remember. She loved me, you know. A lot. More than Jack and Gabriel, I’m sure.” He sighed and yawned, snuggling up to Mako. “I’m sorry, that was... sudden; not to mention off topic. That was the best sex I’ve ever had, though.”

Mako snorted and shifted, so he was on his side and Jamie’s head was cushioned by Mako’s arm. He kissed Jamie’s forehead. “You know, Jamie, they love you a lot. They could’ve taken you back.”

“I know. I love you, Mako... You ready for round two?”

Mako laughed, pressing a chaste kiss to Jamie’s lips. Jamie smirked and pushed at Mako’s chest. “No, no, Mako. Lay back. I wanna take care of you.”

He rolled his eyes, but rolled back over. As soon as he was flat on his back, Jamie crawled on top of him, straddling Mako’s waist. Mako placed both of his hands on Jamie’s slim waist, again rubbing his hipbones. He laughed when Jamie sprung right to attention. “Mako, don’t get me going, I’m taking care of _you_ , ya big cunt!”

Mako rolled his eyes again, but ran his hands down Jamie’s legs, giving his thighs a squeeze. “Get going then.”

Jamie let out a cackle as he wriggled backwards, his hind end dipping down as soft, cum-and-lube slicked thighs just barely ghosted Mako’s cock.

Mako wasn’t quite ready for another round, but when Jamie prepared himself, when he made those breathy little noises, panting with unbridled want, it definitely helped. He couldn’t believe Jamie was ready for this so soon afterward, but he guessed he could jealously blame it on his youth, and on his undeniable greed.

When Jamie deemed himself ready, he brought one of Mako’s hands closer. The sheer size of Mako’s hand, especially next to Jamie’s head, made his member twitch, this too spurring him on. Jamie was by no means a small man. Thin, yes, but he was tall and gangly, all long limbs and knobby knees and elbows, yet Mako made him look _small,_ in every sense of the word.

As his finger made its way into Jamie’s mouth, Mako moaned at the fact that he’d never be able to fit more than two of his fingers in. He was definitely ready, if that made him throb with want.

Impatient, and possibly irritated that Mako was feeling something Jamie wasn’t, the blond took Mako’s huge digit out of his mouth with a dirty look and a curse and guided it back to where he was still stretched from before.

Mako knew what the kid wanted, and he was ready to give it.

`~`

As they dozed, both hazy from afterglow, Jamie got a text from Jack. Apparently, Angela, Gabriel and Jack wanted to meet Mako, over dinner at their house.

It was sure to be one interesting evening, Jamie thought when he saw it the next morning, but even he was sure they’d be absolutely fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all liked this! This is the first multi-chapter project that I've ever actually finished and I'm really proud of it! If you guys want any more after this, just drop a comment and I'll definitely consider it! It might take a while since I just started a new job and am finishing up school, but I'll get to it! I promise! <3 Thank you so much for all your sweet comments and all the kudos! It really keeps me going.
> 
> Like I said, if you want me to do another chapter (since Mako never really talks about his scars with Jamie) I'll make it happen, but I don't know when. Until next time!


	12. Loose Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie finally convinces Mako to open up. Mako gives more than he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all need to thank Dave on this one, cos I wouldn't have written this without him.

It took Jamie a while to gather up the courage to ask Mako about his childhood, and summon the boldness to say, “And not ‘it was shit, what else to you want’.”

Mako chuckled a little, hoping the low grumble would conceal his nervousness. “Well, it was. I wouldn’t have been at the orphanage if it wasn’t.” Stalling, Mako? Really? You thought that’d work against the pure force of nature that was Jamie?

“Mako, _please_.” Jamie begged, flashing those freaky orange eyes, wide in a puppy’s pout.

 _Fine_. Mako didn’t mutter. “It’s nothing too dramatic, if that’s what you’re hoping for. Ma and Pa weren’t suited for each other. Maybe they were as teenagers, but Pa was too... stressed, I think, by having a kid and a wife to support, despite the money.” That was definitely one way of putting it, and Jamie got it immediately. “Neither of them were from very good backgrounds, from what I can remember. Pa worked his way up from nothin’, he said. We never visited any grandparents or anything like that. Christmas usually ended in fighting, so I don’t remember any of those...”

Jamie watched Mako’s face as he tried remembering. It didn’t seem to hurt, and the blond wasn’t sure how good that was. How much was actually forgotten and how much was mentally blocked out?

“I don’t really remember any holidays, actually, where Pa didn’t use it as an excuse to get high. Don’t know what he was using, probably cocaine.” He continued thinking, a tooth working the scarred part of his bottom lip. “I got my height from him; tolerance for alcohol, too. Got his nose, his skin. I look a lot like him, but everyone always said my eyes were all my mom’s. Got her heavy frame too.”

Jamie could hear the smallest bit of bitterness in Mako’s voice, so he snuggled up under his big, muscular arm and threw his metal arm over Mako’s belly, giving the area a little rub. “Love yer belly,” he reminded, practically mumbling into his boyfriend’s tit.

That prompted an actual bark of laughter, fondness in his dark brown eyes instead of irritation. “I know, I know.” How weird was that? How lucky was he? “Ma didn’t though. She had a lot of image issues. She always wanted to be thin. Pa knew that, too. He used to bully her when he was really flyin’. She drank a lot, but never any dark beers or whiskey, nothing with extra calories.” He remembered how often she’d swim, too, in their pool, and how often he would almost wish she’d drown. He didn’t say that, though, that’d be too honest, even for a moment like this.

“Did she ever... hurt you?” Jamie tentatively asked, remembering the scars that were too perfect to be random.

So he had seen them... “She always wanted to be thin, Jamie. When her esteem took a plummet, she’d cut herself, right up here,” he drew a line where his belly just started to bow out, skooching Jamie’s arm out of the way, just an inch. “And wherever else she saw a crease in her skin. Her arms, her wrists... She called it “shaving off the pounds”. It made her feel better, and sometimes I think she’d hope it’d make me feel better. I was too little, though, to know being fat was bad, or even that I _was_ fat.”

Jamie’s heart ached for that tubby little boy his boyfriend had once been. “It didn’t help, I suppose?”

“Nah. I always thought it was stupid.” Seeing the worry on Jamie’s face made Mako smile a little, and kiss a bald patch. “Don’t worry, Jamie, I never did it myself.” Sure, he’d have depressed episodes, especially whenever kids at school avoided him or treated him bad, but he never understood hurting himself in retaliation. He’d much rather punch something. Another thing he’d taken after his father with, he realized, grumpily making the connection.

“She should’ve never done it.” Jamie grumbled, heart still bleeding for that little kid.

“She was messed up, Jamie. I’d blame it all on Pa, but I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair. Without Pa around, she was just as bad.” If not worse. With no outlet to scream at, she turned her anger and generally all bad feelings onto herself and him.

“So... did you ever have any boyfriends?” Jamie asked. His tone was guarded, but he wasn’t actually jealous. Not really.

Mako actually froze, though, and Jamie felt his insides cool. “No. Um. I had a girlfriend.” Mako didn’t dare look down at Jamie. He knew those giant orange eyes were trained on him. “We were really, uh, really close to being, um... Married.”

Intrigued, Jamie nodded, urging Mako on. “What was her name?”

“Her birth name was Margret, but she liked Riley better.” The memory of her correcting her parents at Christmas felt like sticking a cigarette on his chest. Remembering Riley _hurt_ , unlike remembering his stupid childhood. There was enough time behind him to allow himself to remember his parents and how fucked up they were. Riley was too recent, but he knew Jamie wasn’t going to let up, even if he begged the blond.

“She was a tomboy, through and through. Her parents hoped she’d grow out of it, but she never did. She was so funny. She was a comedienne. She wanted to make it big.” He didn’t mention that her parents had money, but she had been living in the same apartment building he still resided in. He couldn’t tell the story of how they met yet, of how he still sometimes thought he’d hear her boots slapping the concrete steps as she bounded down, hurry and worry reddening her plumpish cheeks.

“She died, right?”

There it was, the familiar ache that had plagued him for almost four years, and just recently stayed quiet on good days. “Yeah. She did. She…” He couldn’t continue for a solid minute. “She got sick. It was some kind of melanoma. She got sick real fast, mostly cos she’d ignored the symptoms too long. She tried a couple rounds of chemo, but...” It did nothing except make her brilliant red hair turn dull and then fall out, and then reduce her plump cheeks into sharp bones. “Can we... can we not continue?”

Jamie nodded, guilty he even asked. He didn’t know much about cancer, except chemo was a bitch, and it really fucked up the person going through it. Mako was still torn up about her, still in pain over her passing, and even though there was still that little bit of jealousy, he ignored it and mashed it down. Instead of dwelling, instead of imagining Mako, his strong Mako, reduced to tears and watching his sweetheart practically fade away, he strained to kiss Mako’s chin, pressing some adoration into that little pocket of fat. He was surprised that Mako wasn’t crying, but then, Mako wasn’t much of a crier. Maybe he’d cried himself out when Riley was actually dying.

After a long while, Mako sighed as he came back down to the present. He felt the warmth Jamie radiated, and gave his scalp another kiss. “You need to wash your hair.” He remarked, nose wrinkling just a bit. His voice sounded fragile, like he might start crying, even though his rich, brown eyes were dry.

“Do you ever miss being rich?” Jamie asked, hoping to lighten the mood. The bony man had a taste of prosperity, but Mako had been rich, so he said.

Mako gave a little chuckle, his voice gaining strength. “No. I make enough money to live comfortably on, and that’s enough for me right now, even if this isn’t the nicest neighborhood,” because it definitely wasn’t, “as weird as it may sound, I never want to have... _that_ again. I don’t want a mansion. I want a house with a back yard and fuckin’ flowerpots that hang out the window. Eventually, I’d want that. With you, you know, if you’d want that sorta thing.”

“ _Flowerpots_? Really, Mako!” A peal of laughter escaped the little blond, even as he nodded. “That sounds real fuckin’ nice, I think.”

The past was behind them, as tough as it was and as weird as it was to remind themselves of that. Jamie was no longer the terrified orphan, and Mako, no longer the nervous, self-depreciating teenager who never got adopted. They were better together than they were apart, but even apart, their pasts didn’t define them.

Either could be angry, and both would experience bouts of anger, especially at the circumstances of their childhoods, but they both knew those moments were fleeting, because they were together, and anger had no place in their home(s). Love was all they needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was The Fear we Foster! I'l be honest, I genuinely didn't think I'd be adding this last chapter, mostly because I didn't think I was going to write this chapter. In all total honesty, I wrote this entire chapter in one go, but I think it turned out good. It's a bit cliche, but I'm all for cliche endings. I'm a sucker for them. I will be updating soon, in fact I'm still writing that reverse for my one fic. I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you so much for your favorites and comments, they're my favorite emails to get and I have every single one of them still.


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